Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
