Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
