i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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