Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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