When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
