just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
