Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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