gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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