He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
