Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
