Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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