I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
