she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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