I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
