stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All I want is dick and wine.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize