Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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