i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
