i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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