R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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