if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You are the jesus of drinking
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
