spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
