Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
