Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
