She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
