That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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