i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
