I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
