Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Michael Bay diarrhea
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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