dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
