Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.

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(731): View more from Tennessee

the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..

(1-318): View more from Louisiana

what?how do you know?

(318): View more from Louisiana

it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.

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(815): View more from Illinois

u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club

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(713): View more from Texas

i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.

(307): View more from Wyoming

Except even better, boobs get discounts.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often

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