can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
