one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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