belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
