How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
