he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
