I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
