Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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