are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
