The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
