hell yes lets make some ravioli
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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