Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm really busy with my period
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