The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
my liver is dry heaving
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
