There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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