your thong is hanging out like whoa
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
