Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is Oprah even human
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
