we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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