franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize