we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
