i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink