life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
