Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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