Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.