im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
