like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
