My hair reeks of homosexuality.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
