so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
