how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
