I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
