You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
