i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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