A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
