...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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