accomplished twins. life is a go
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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