I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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