peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Randomize
