When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
