I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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