do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
