My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
