So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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