Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
